Why Children Need Tantrums
Tantrums aren't a developmental problem – they're a sign of healthy emotional development. How to support your child through them.
Tantrums are among the most common concerns parents report. Yet research shows: they are a normal and even essential part of emotional development.
Brain Development Takes Time
The prefrontal cortex – responsible for impulse control and emotion regulation – isn't fully mature in children until around age 25. Until then, children experience emotions more intensely and regulate them less effectively than adults.
Upstairs vs. Downstairs Brain
Dr. Dan Siegel describes this as the 'Upstairs Brain' (rational thinking) and the 'Downstairs Brain' (emotional reactions). During a tantrum, the Downstairs Brain takes over – in that moment, the child cannot think rationally.
What Parents Can Do
Stay calm and present. In that moment, your child doesn't need explanations or consequences – they need your regulating presence. Only once the emotion has subsided can a conversation happen.
Key takeaways
- 1The prefrontal cortex matures only around age 25.
- 2Dr. Dan Siegel: the 'Downstairs Brain' takes over during tantrums.
- 3Children need your calm presence, not explanations, in that moment.
- 4Emotion coaching builds long-term self-regulation skills.
Practical tip
Studies by John Gottman show: children whose parents accompany emotions rather than suppress them develop stronger self-regulation, higher emotional intelligence, and better social skills.
Wissenschaftliche Quellen
- Gottman, J. (1997). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Siegel, D. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child. (2026). Warum Kinder Wutanfälle brauchen. Parent Heart Knowledge Library.
Janik NotheisSportpsychologe (M.Sc.)
Sport psychologist (M.Sc.) with experience coaching elite athletes. Founder of Parent Heart, because parents deserve the same mental support as top athletes.