Parenting as a Team: When Parents Don't Agree
Different parenting styles don't have to be a problem – as long as communication works.
One of the most common sources of partnership conflict after a child's birth: differing ideas about parenting. John Gottman's longitudinal work describes around two thirds of couples experiencing a drop in relationship satisfaction in the first three years after the birth.
Different Styles Aren't the Enemy
Different parenting styles aren’t inherently problematic. Children usually handle different styles well, as long as both parents are consistent and respectful. It becomes problematic when parents contradict or undermine each other in front of the child.
The Co-Parenting Key
The key lies in 'co-parenting' – the ability to work together as a team even when you don't always agree. Important rules: resolve disagreements privately, present as a united front to the child, value each other's strengths.
Regular Parenting Conversations
According to Gottman, couples who regularly talk about their parenting values and hold dedicated 'parenting conversations' outside of conflict are on average more satisfied, both in their partnership and their parenting role.
Key takeaways
- 1Around two thirds of couples report satisfaction drops after the first child.
- 2Different styles are fine if both parents are consistent.
- 3Never contradict each other in front of the child.
- 4Scheduled parenting talks beat heat-of-the-moment ones.
Practical tip
Parent Heart offers the option to link both parent profiles and reflect on family dynamics together. This creates a shared language and a deeper understanding of each other.
Scientific sources
- Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (2000). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
- McHale, J. (2007). Charting the Bumpy Road of Coparenthood.
Janik NotheisSportpsychologe (M.Sc.)
Sport psychologist (M.Sc.) with experience coaching elite athletes. Founder of Parent Heart, because parents deserve the same mental support as top athletes.
- Reviewed by:
- Janik Notheis, M.Sc. Sportpsychologie
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